Every Tear is a Waterfall
by ClumsyHibz
Summary: Takes place directly after the season 3 finale. Elena's a vampire, but will she allow herself to live? Who will be the one person that she decides to live for? How will everyone feel about her decision? And what new friendships will see the light because of it?Previously COSMIC LOVE, Delena fanfic.CURRENT Parings: Delena, and hints of Bamon. Please read A/N in ch2 for more info
1. Cosmic Love

She takes a long breath, and for some reason it feels like it's the first breath she's taken in a long time. It passes through her awakening every organ in her body. The taste of rusted metal lingers on her tongue. She knows what it is. She knows she shouldn't be craving for more. But her body totally is – it's yearning for more blood. Everything inside of her feels different – like she's dead. Could she be? Her memories are scattered. The last thing she recalls is telling Stefan to save Matt's life. Did he? Did she die before Stefan could get to her? She doesn't dare open her eyes, for she knows if she could, then the worst has happened: she's a vampire.

She can hear the sound of feet running towards her, but they're more like repetitive thuds. And then she hears his voice and her insides shiver. Never has she felt that before – not even with Stefan. But here she was trembling in thirst as she hears Damon speak. But all of a sudden, her head spins and wanders to places she never even knew existed.

"_I love you, Elena, and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you. I don't deserve you, but my brother does."_

_"__You want a love that consumes you__. You want passion, adventure, and even a little danger"_

She opens her eyes and finds both Salvatore brothers hovering over her. They both look like they've wept for a while. She _is_ dead.

Stefan quickly leans in and embraces her tightly, but her eyes wander towards Damon. She keeps staring at him until their eyes finally lock. His icy blue eyes enthrall her; they mesmerize her. All she wants to do is jump at him and taste the blood on his lips, smell his neck, and let the coldness of his body warm hers.

Yes, Stefan loves her. Yes, she loves Stefan, too. But she wants more than that. She wants exactly what Damon told her that night – before her whole world fell apart. She wants passion, now more than ever. She wants this fire that burns within her whenever Damon smiles. She wants this feeling of completion she gets every time he touches her. She wants _him_.

-xxx-

She rests in her bed. They're all sitting by her side: Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler, Jeremy, Damon, Stefan, and even Matt. It seems like Klaus isn't the one they descend from; he's dead but they're not.

She scans the room and a feeling of emptiness fills her heart. Not everyone's there. Alaric's gone. The only parent she had left has fled this world. How was this fair? How did Alaric die while she got to live again? They were linked together; this was never supposed to happen.

Caroline interrupts her thoughts, though, "Now we're literally best friends forever, Elena."

Elena appreciates Caroline's efforts; she has a good heart. She's always chirpy and trying to lift everyone's spirits up, but it's not going to work this time. She's not ready to smile yet. She's not ready become a vampire – this creature she has loathed and was infatuated with for so long.

"I'm not sure I wanna live that long, Caroline." Those were Elena's first words as a vampire.

Silence descends into the room; the only one who breaks it is Caroline.

"What? What are you talking about? Elena, you can't. Okay?"

"I don't want to be a vampire. I can't," she weeps. They were all wondering when she'll break down; she finally has.

"I can't lose you, Elena," Jeremy confesses as he sits on her bed and holds her face in his hands, "I don't want you be a vampire, either, but your other choice is to die and I won't let you do that."

"She already is dead."

"Tyler!" Caroline shouts.

"Sorry."

Elena looks at Damon wanting him to shove a blood bag in her mouth, but he doesn't. He just looks at her with adorable puppy eyes that make her heart swell. He has changed. He's being selfless. The old Damon wouldn't let her make a decision like that. He would force her to live, but he isn't this time. And then his words haunt her head once again,

"_I love you, Elena, and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you."_

"Give me a blood bag," Elena states calmly.


	2. A Hopeful Transmission

**A/N: This fic started out as COSMIC LOVE and was intended to be DELENA centered. And then I decided to make it more general and make it about everyone's reactions to what happened Elena and the new friendships and changes occuring because of it - since season 4 of the show is apparently being called, "the year of the transition." (But don't worry, there's gonna be LOTS OF DELENA in the chapters to come.) Thank you for all your alerts, reviews, and favorites. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. **

Bonnie stares at Elena intently trying to figure out what's going through her mind. She has decided to become a vampire, to live on human blood. Why? Why would anyone allow themselves to be monsters? No, she has no right to judge, not anymore.

She leaves Elena's room to get some fresh air; after all everyone's been through the last week, she deserves it. She opens the door to leave the Gilbert's home and finds Damon pacing back and forth on the porch as if he's waiting for the next shoe to drop. She's never seen him like that, broken. Sure, she saw him being tortured that one time at Klaus', but even then she could see strength in his eyes as tormented and agonized as he was. Damon never breaks, she always thought. But it seems she was wrong. This time everything about him screams defeat. He doesn't have it in him to fight anymore; he has lost the battle.

"Damon, are you okay?" She asks as she lays her hand on his shoulder interrupting his mile-a-minute thoughts. He didn't see her staring at him for minutes before she finally decided to speak.

She doesn't care if he's not fine. She's doesn't care if he's hurting, she tells herself. But, truth be told, she knows exactly what he's going through – she knows what he's going through more than anyone. As much as he hates him, no one should ever feel the pain she felt when her mother's will was stolen from her like that. Plus, TWO of best friends are now vampires even though they never wanted that fate. She definitely know this pain more than anyone. But still, she shouldn't sympathize with Damon, she thinks. It's him who turned her mother, so he deserves this, doesn't he?

"No. No, I'm not Bonnie. I should be happy, right? That she chose to live? But I'm not. I don't want her to suffer. I don't want her to lose her humanity, her innocence. She's already lost too much. It's just…not fair. I'm gonna kill Rebekah. You just wait. She's not even gonna see it coming. I should have just let Alaric kill that damn Original just like he killed her brother."

He's rambling. He knows he is, but he's just too stressed. His whole world is collapsing before his very eyes and he doesn't know what to do about it because he simply can't do anything about it. But the tears in Bonnie's eyes strike him, changing the course of his panic from fear to guilt. He looks at her knowing what's going on through her head. He did to her exactly what Rebekah has done to him.

"I am sorry, Bonnie," he finally says. "I chose Elena over your mother when I had no right to do that. I only wanted to protect her; I didn't think of anything else. And for that I am truly sorry."

Damon sorry? Wow, that Elena thing must have taken a huge toll on him. And for once in her life, she can see real emotions illuminate from within him. For once, she can see a human behind those icy blue eyes of his, those eyes that have fascinated her for so long.

"Damon, I understand. I do. I don't respect it, and I will never respect you _because_ of it. But I understand. We do crazy things for the ones we love, don't we?"

She tries to shrug off the thoughts that are haunting her especially those reminding her that because of her Klaus is inhabiting Tyler's body. She didn't want her friends to die, she tells herself, that's why she had to make that choice. She did a crazy thing for those she loves. No one will respect her for it, and they probably would not understand, but she knows one person will: Damon, because he's been there. It's funny how different they are and yet so similar.


End file.
